The Meaning of a Mile
by Whitefeather
Summary: When Squall was wondering aimlessly through the desert, what was he thinking? What did he think of his comrads?


The Meaning of A Mile 

K.K., since you guys asked, I wrote another. But… I **_really_** need some opinions on what to write next- please help me. Person and place, please, if you can spare the time. Or should I try and do some Final Fantasy Vll things? Thanks, everyone. The usual disclaimers apply, and thanks to Stephie for reviewing all my fics and telling me to keep going. You really inspired me Steph, thanks so much! 

A flash of light, then darkness. 

Wherever I turn, whichever way I face, there is darkness. Whether I run forward or back, left or right, up or down, that is all I can see. If you can call it seeing at all… yet, this is what I deserve. Or is it? Because I am and was a loner, this is why I am here. Because I didn't appear to care about the ones who mattered most in my life. That is why I am here. Because I can not able to connect to them. 

Another flash and I am somewhere new. 

__

Quistis- My old instructor and comrade on the battlefield. Even though you have been the mediator between Seifer and I, you appear to me as nothing more that just that- a mediator. I know that you feel differently about me; more than just a sister or instructor would feel, but I could never feel that way about you. Not even before I met Rinoa that night, or before you told me that you would no longer be an elder figure to me. I guess that you believed the whole ball that night would change everything, but it didn't. And nothing ever could. Yet… I do love you. Maybe not as a lover, but as a brother and friend. Your knowledge could never die. I'm sorry, my sister, that I may not come back. Quisty… I hope your knowledge never dies. 

All around me now is a world. Where it is, what it is called, why I am here, I cannot answer to myself. I take a single step, expecting nothing more than to fall into another world like someone stepping onto thin ice. Yet at least ice is something that you can feel beneath your fingers, and know is there. This world may not be here. It may be an illusion, just created to fool me into never returning home. 

My foot lands safely in front of me. 

__

Zell- you were the only person in the 'orphan group' that would actually do fine on your own, as in without the others, besides me. You can get annoying, but are a great help and asset on the battlefield. Your aspirations and humor can keep the typical soldier laughing and lighten the mood before a battle, or when all seems helpless. You are probably the closest that I will ever come to having a friend, even though no-one in their right mind would call us friends, unless they were dyeing or in a bad situation. You are also the only one who doesn't care if I take to myself, and doesn't flock to me if I wish to be alone. Zell, I'm sorry that I won't come back. Will your humor still go on?

I take a single breath into myself, and exhale a large one. My breath is short, and my mind is out of this game, wandering aimlessly amid the humid air of this strange place. My friends… how can I call them friends? I have never had a friend. I am a loner. And Rinoa? I can't love her. She is just another girl. Why do I love her? I set my mind off, trying not to let my mind wander. 

Yet, my mind wanders still. 

__

Seifer- you were a formidable opponent. I will never forget our fights, or anything else. If we were given more time, we may have become friends, but time permitting, we did pretty well. Our life-long battle is finally coming to an end. You won my friend. You won this battle. As it has appeared differently to the others, our family, yet they will understand. When I'm gone, you will have Rinoa, no question, and you will be the one to survive. Keep up your dreams, Seifer, and don't let them die. 

Step by step I edge to infinity. 

__

Selphie- keep on going, you will make it far. Don't listen to those who tell you to get out of the way or to give up- you have so much joy and happiness that those who stand against you are just plain old jealous of what you have. Never give up, my sister. Never let sorrow or darkness touch you, in any way. You will never shed tears, and have helped me throughout our SeeD career. Even in this heaven that I will go to, I will never stop hearing and thinking of your words of wisdom and joy. I am sorry that I have to go, but please don't wet your peachy cheeks with tears; for I doubt that they have ever felt the salty water called tears. Please… don't let your happiness float with me to heaven… 

Up ahead is something… something. I cannot tell what it is yet. Possibly it is home, or maybe… just another hill. That is what it must be. I can feel the little hope I held dear float away from me. That is all there seem to be, more and more hills that ride your hope up and down, up and down, up and…

__

Irvine- we were complete opposites all throughout life. You cared about family and friends more so then yourself- unlike me. I came first in my life, and everyone else tied for second. Until this last battle, that is… you helped me understand that there were others besides me in my horizon. Irvine, my brother, you mustn't ever give up that caring feeling and those caring actions that you are so famous and loved for. Please… I won't ever forget what you have helped me do. You helped me feel this way about Rinoa. Tell her that I do care, in case I never get the chance. And please… please thank Matron for helping all of us, for I will not get the chance. Please thank them, all of our 'family' for being there, and don't give up on your caring ways. 

I go up the final hill, my steps the size of a mouse's. Something makes me look up and I see… nothing. An open space. It… it can't be at all. My eyes close unlike anything, and I turn my body. My breath lets out like a storm, like a squall. Funny, how the mind works… my god, I've fallen. What am I doing? Why… there is one last person that I must talk to… my god, Rinoa… 

__

Rinoa- you have shown me what I was put on this God's earth to do. I was put on this earth to protect you. I will never stop, no matter… 

The sky seems to open up, and an image of Rinoa floats in front of me. My breath is coming harder, and I can't breath. I have to show Rinoa how much I do care… 

__

I will never stop, no matter what happens. I am your knight; put here to be by your side, and fight for you to make sure you don't get hurt. Rinoa… 

The red sand around me turns to flowers. Is this… where we promised? 

__

Rinoa… I am going to die. Please forgive me. Hopefully you will find another, and he will protect you. Rinoa… 

My eyes close, and my breath seeps out. She runs to me, and her tears fall onto my face. I know, at that moment, that I will not die. I am home, with her. 

__

Rinoa, I love you. 


End file.
